|Angel Behind Me|
`*.¸.*✻`*.¸.*✻ღϠ₡ღ¸.✻You wake up in the morning, and your purse is magically filled with 24 hours of un-manufactured tissue of the universe of your life. It is yours. It is the most precious of possessions. No one can take it from you. And no one receives either more or less than you receive.
~ Arnold Bennett
AND -this is my one wild precious life, the feeling, the living, the angst, the crumby victory or two, the diving down deep deep deep into the deepest abyss of questionings and confusion and inner chaos and ( mostly manufactured) fear of "did I do it righ?" or "maybe I could've done better?". Being a mom of two boys, or should I say men (I still grapple with the latter though they are both in their early 20's) I find myself even more in the muddle than when they were in their teens. The intense knowing that they will soon be on their own - truly on their own - gives me the jeebies'..I cringe when they have problems, or hurts, or when they get THAT look that says they're processing the reality of life. It's not all fun. You have to work it to be happy.
I know how it is to be that age, starting, full of adrenaline and high convictions, ideals that are overtheroof, and a surveying of the world with a nauseating haze of agitation, realizing it's no heaven. And when I try to "explain" how one should face frustrations and disappointments my counsel fleets away, I think. There was time I prided myself to be a fount of motherly wisdom - I'd say anything and the lesson would sink. Not anymore. And even writing this down is surprising for me as I wasn't in the preripheral of thinking about them when I started typing. Flows, it just flows, and I am at that phase and stage in life and maybe this is to acknowledge it.
They are very well and good and full dreams and a bit jaded too. As I was at their age. I'll have to trust the days and the hours and the minutes into the powerful hands of the divine or might I, in doing not, make my life an endless documentary of consternation and disquietude. Unbecoming. Does the world owe me an answer to the future? Of course not.
Faith. The angel behind me is behind them too.